Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results Sociability |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90% Aggressiveness ||||||||| 26% Assertiveness ||||||||||||||| 50% Activity Level ||||||||||||||| 50% Excitement-Seeking |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Enthusiasm |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86% Extroversion ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Trust ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Morality |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Altruism |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86% Cooperation ||||||||||||||| 50% Modesty |||||||||||||||||| 58% Sympathy |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82% Friendliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Confidence ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Neatness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Dutifulness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Achievement ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Self-Discipline |||||||||||||||||| 54% Cautiousness ||||||||||||||| 42% Orderliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Anxiety ||||||||||||||| 42% Volatility ||||||||||||||| 46% Depression |||||||||||| 38% Self-Consciousness ||||||||| 30% Impulsiveness |||||||||||||||||| 54% Vulnerability ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Emotional Stability |||||||||||||||||| 55% Imagination ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Artistic Interests ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Introspection |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82% Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86% Liberalism ||| 10% Openmindedness ||||||||||||||||||||| 64%

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ENFJ - "Persuader". Outstanding leader of groups. Can be aggressive at helping others to be the best that they can be. 2.5% of total population.

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Conscious self	Overall self

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Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||| 60% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||||| 80% Type 3 Image Awareness |||||| 26% Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||| 40% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||| 43% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||| 40% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||| 43% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||| 40% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||| 46% Your Conscious-Surface type is 2w1 Your Unconscious-Overall type is 1w2

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If you and your friends were a Superhero Team
LJ Username
Pick a Hat	Bowler Crown Top Hat Fedora Baseball Cap Pope Hat Bonnet Ten Gallon Hat Dunce Cap Bicycle Helmet
Type of Chip	Pringles Sour Cream and Onion Barbecue Salt and Vinegar Tortilla Wood Blue Poker off the old block
What Kind of costume do you have?
After gaining your powers	from an unsanitized toilet seat
You joined forces with
and
to	get Futurama back on TV
as the	Government Patsies
While Constantly working against the plans of
This quiz by unstablist - Taken 20459 Times. </a>

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Be humble. It makes things surprisingly better. =D GO GOD! By the way, the confetti from House Party was still stuck in the T.V. thing on Friday. That was cool! =D

I just did an analysis of The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams. By the way, I reccommend you read it! it's a really spiffy play. It's really sad, but yeah. In my analyisis, i saw that Laura had strength. Not me, the character named Laura. However, everyone, even the author, says she's fragile. If you ask me, her actions signify an underlying and more truthful strength than any other character in the play. She is the one who is sincere, and honest with everyone about everything, including herself. Hence why she can get hurt really easily. Admittedly, she's scared of the world and what it has to offer, and people aren't always too kind because she's different, but everyone treats her as if she's fragile. They don't treat her like she's normal. Therefore, she never gets to feel normal. Don't ask. I just think it's so strange that lots of people think the strongest character in the play is weak. =P

By the way, my sister sort of fell on my face. My nose is throbbing again. =P

DnlrPseudoRlsm: I'm hungry
potatorush18: =(
DnlrPseudoRlsm: ::eats Laura Popa::
potatorush18: mommy's making schnitzel.
potatorush18: NOOO~
potatorush18: :::cries out in your espophagus::: "take the schnitzel! don't eat me, please, remove me before I hit your tummy before it's too late!!!
DnlrPseudoRlsm: XD
DnlrPseudoRlsm: lol

greatest conversational exchange ever, man!!!! =D

I just thought of this. I used to say I never knew my grandmother. However, my mom loved my grandmother very much, and saw in grandmother strength, vitality, goodness, and love befitting to a mother. When I hear my mother describe my grandmother, I hear a description that fits my mom perfectly. My grandmother left her mark in the world, and through my mother, I think I know more about the kind of woman she was than I thouht I did. I don't care that mom thinks she's not perfect, who is perfect? I wonder if my future children will eventually arrive to the same conclusion about me. But I also wonder what would happen if I told my mom that. Hmm...I know it. A good mother leaves her mark on her children for the better. A bad mother leaves a mark on her children in a bad way. However, every mother leaves a mark. I think grandmother left a good one.

no, i did not go to Romania. No, my mom did not go to Romania. We did not make it to the funeral. It was actually impossible for us to make it in time, because of flight regulations. Gee.

okay, so I thought I would be departing to the funeral. Well, it was tomorrow. There's no way we'd make it on time. We are unable to go to Romania just now. It's kinda sad, really. Well, ya'll can e-mail me again. I really wish we had been able to go. We didn't even find out anything was wrong with grandma until she died. SHE HAD SURGERY FROM AN ULCER!!!! WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN LONG AGO!!! WE SHOULD HAVE HAD TIME TO PLAN AND COME!!!! But we didn't because we weren't told. We didn't even know....And then we got an e-mail from my cousin on my dad's side, because they had tried to fax us after she died, but then didn't really succeed. So, I shall not be gone for a while.

I thought I wasn't going to grandma's funeral. Turns out I am. The church paid for mom and I's tickets. Our flight is today. Audrey can't go because she will miss days of school, and she has 2 ap classes. So, I won't be here for a couple of days. i'll write down how my day was every night, so I'll tell you about it when I come back. Warning, don't e-mail me, I won't be able to check my e-mail for a while. Bye bye!

I have nothing much to say. I just found out my grandma died. She died yesterday at about 2:00 in the morning. She had a surgery, but it didn't go so well... I can't go to her funeral. I HATE THIS!!!! I HATE IT!!! I SERIOUSLY HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE MY FAMILY AND KNOW HOW THEY ARE!!!!! I HATE NOT KNOWING THEM WELL! I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO REPLY TO THEM IN THE SAME LANGUAGE THEY'RE TALKING TO ME!!!! I HATE IT SO MUCH!!!!!!!!
That's all I can really say...all I really want to say. I'm gonna try and sleep.

You have a twisted soul! Twisted Souls are never
bad, and actually, are a rarity amongst souls.
These souls are a little combination of
everything, with always a little of their own
chaos to add. Twisted Souls are kind, loving,
weird, zany, temperamental, and very talented.
They have their own firm opinion, and can at
one time be very outspoken and passionate, and
the other time shy and feeling insignificant.
Twisted Souls have good senses of Humor and
other times can be a bore. You can act quite
intelligent at one time, and grasp concepts
easily, while other times they can find it
difficult to understand. Twisted Souls are
always very fun and Kind, and can be party
animals. But, if you love someone, youre
serious about it, intense, and forever loyal.
Congratulations-the world should have more like
you.



What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
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You're Element is Light. You are friendly, happy,
social, bubbly, and can brighten up any one's
day. You are very kind and a real people person
because you have several friends (or atleast
should). You're cheery nature makes you lovable
and your stunning looks are sweet and stand
out.


What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
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You're a "Pink Angel". Now, just because
it may be a little bit of a feminin color
doesn't mean you're all girly and whiney.
You're very self-less and love to bring good
news to people because you like seeing people
happy. You have better manners than most and
people love how polite you can be. You're
friends love that they hardley ever get in
arguments with you and can barely get mad at
you! You're friends and family mean so much to
you and it takes more than a fight to break you
away from them.


What Color Angel Are You? (PICS)
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Note: if you prefer continuity, read the entry prior to this one to make the week go from saturday, July 17 to saturday July 24.I was a little....dumb in how I did this one. Well, it was supposed to be one big entry, but that didn't happen. I got tired halfway.

Wednesday: Third day of work, the day off.

This day was one of those that was great from the moment I woke up. I had something to look forward to! Everyone got to leave the worksite at approximately 1:30 (they had to be back to campus by 2:30 ish, because everyone had to be out by 3:00). We left pretty early! The day was actually pretty uneventful. We did start laying shingles...no one told us specifics for laying them however. That would prove to put a big damper on my morale later on. Oh, by the way, we had these coolers full of ice that had to be dumped out before we left the worksite....you can bet my crew had fun with them! They kept dumping them out on people. Anyway....being back at campus early was so nice! I had time to shower and get clean clothes and just kinda loaf around for a bit. It was a napish thing, and it was really refreshing. Anyway, what we did for the day was totally awesome! I got to spend lots of time with people from my youth group! We went to River Street for the first two hours. It was beautiful. I enjoyed the walk a whole lot. I ended up buying my friend Amber a lot of candy. Hehe. Anyway, time was almost up, but we wanted to talk to a stranger(don't ask). There were five of us in my little group, me, Tara, Amber, Erin, and Alli. We talked to this man who was making palm things on a low brick wall surrounding a tree. it was really shady and cool. That man was really quite amazing, and he said something to me that really stuck. He said "All the problems in my life I've tried to fix, they're still there. All the problems in my life I've let God handle have passed." Interesting how that applied during the week. We barely made it to our church bus in time after talking to this man. He was really cool. The next thing we did was go to a restaraunt to eat. Because our youth group consisted of about 70 people, we couldn't really go to one restaraunt. We sent 30 people to the Crab Shack, 19 people to the Outback Steakhouse, and 21 people to the Olive Garden. Erin and I were the Outback people from our walking group. Erin and I had decided beforehand that we would go to the Outback Steakhouse and we would split a Ribeye steak. It was seriously good. It was a 14 oz steak, each of us got 7. We ate an ounce a minute!!! It was totally cool. Anyway, Erin said she wouldn't like a blooming onion (she never had one, she thought they would taste like onion rings), but umm...she loved one. She ate about 3/4 of a bloomin onion. I helped her a little, I probably ate about 1/2 of one. Erin took the baked potato side of the ribeye, and I took the salad side. It was seriously good!!!! anyway...we finished our meal and had a short devotion, a really short one, at campus. I don't remember the events too well, except that the guys didn't have to walk the girls back to their dorm, which they had to do pretty much every night, just to let you know. I showered and went to bed early that night! It was awesome!

Thursday: Fourth Day of Work

Thursday was really kinda uneventful...kinda. We did a whole lot of work with the shingles and got about 2/3 of the roof shingled. We left the site at 3:00 so we could eat dinner at Wendy's, while we were still all grimy from the roof. I was kinda tired, so I just kept on having my food fall all over me. It was really funny. I must have dropped something like....4 times...it was funny. ON the way back, we suddenly realized that Jeremy had been saying he was 15 going on 16 and born DECEMBER 15(ish) 1989! We suddenly realized that was impossible because my birthday and Nikki's birthday, which is 3 days after Jeremy, hadn't come around yet, and we are 15 going on 16 and born in 1988. 2004 is the year that all 1988 babies turn 16 on. a 1989 baby can't turn 16 in 2004. Jeremy was saying that he would turn 16. This really confused us. Turns out he was messing with us, he's actually 14. We figured he was either born in 88 or he was 14. We arrived at campus early, and I had lots of free time. I finished writing my encouragrams to everyone in the youth group (pretty much. I only counted 69...wait...I may have omitted the first few I wrote.....I think I might have actually written 70 some people notes!!!) I wrote 32 for sure while I was at the outback waiting for food, and during my free time there I definetly wrote 37. =D While I was writing a note to one of my friends who is going to college this year, her name is Courtney, it suddenly dawned on me that some of the best friends I've ever had would be going away. I started crying, and I was delivering notes with tears rolling down my eyes....and no one bothered to notice. Looking back on it, I laughed. I must have made a funny sight. Those guys who are graduating have really made a profound impact on my life, I love them so much. It's strange to see them go, but I'm glad I have technology. Makes it a lot easier. Anyway, worship was neat! During the wow moment time (where people got up and shared their cool things that happened during the day) some cool things were said. The people were about to transition into worship when Grant stood up and halted everything to tell about Lee, who had actually gotten up on stage with some random stranger, played House of The Rising Sun, and then got to tell everyone why they were there (to share Christ's love, of course, and to be a witness). I'm proud of Lee, and Grant. Anyway, after that, worship and sermon become the usual recorded thing of an amazing experience that I don't remember all too well, merely because time has passed since then. I just remember feeling at peace again. Devotions this night....once again, great, but I'm not gonna go blabbing about specifics for confidentiality's sake.

Friday: the last day.

Okay, I figured this day would be easy. WRONG! We needed help to finish cleaning the shingles, we thought, but that's not what happned. Actually, the supervisor came in and told us we'd done everything wrong. That made my morale sink. No one told us how to do everything, save for make sure the shingles are even, don't nail in the light parts, and start from the outside edge in. I pretty much gave up unitl another crew came in and helped us finish the roof, the right way. The shingles were a little crooked, but they did keep water from leaking. I was very grateful for their help. If they hadn't come, I might have started directing the shingling of the valley, or Paul might have, but if it was me, I would not be Ms. Nice girl anymore. So....we got the work done, this made me happy. Afterwards, we got back semi-early. I had time to do what I needed to. Anyway, after dinner, I went to worship. We had a bye-bye crew time, and then we had the actual worship. This night I think was the night were we stayed up late during devotions because did something for the graduating seinors. Once again, no specifics. Oh, it was also the day I got glomped by 10 people. My pretty much hugging everyone like 3 times before they left a room was only because I loved everyone so much I could barely keep myself from doing more than hugging them 3 times. Try 10. After camp...that love had...almost died. And then, during this trip, it came back, and I don't know how. I just know that it did, and I feel really alive thanks to it. =D I don't hug as much as before, but....In my heart, I look at everyone with a love that just wants to pour out really badly. It's matured a lot in the sense that I can control it better. Anyway.....We got to bed late.

Saturday: travel day.
It was time to go home. Whee! I got on a van with like...5 other people. It ended up being 2 to a seat. It was a relaxing and fun trip home. =D By the way, when I got home I gave my parents a big hug, I'd missed them a whole lot.

Reflections:
I had a whole lot of fun on this trip. The following things had plagued me before the trip, and I won't explain the reasons because they were absurd...and totally my fault: I had hatred towards my mom (luckily I love my mom enough to know that it's wrong and even disgusting for me to hate her. This kept it from getting out of hand), I had difficulties forgiving mom because she wouldn't forgive me first (although the truth is, she does forgive me when I mess up. Mom just has problems forgetting that I messed up.), the uncontrollable love for people had pretty much died, and I just didn't feel whole, because I hadn't been focusing on God. These things were all fixed....somehow...When God said "focus on Me, and I will give you what you seek," He meant it. By the way, many of my favorite scriptures have a whole new meaning.

Travel Day

we got up at like.... 5:30 in the morning. we had to be at the church at 6:15. WE stopped at Bojangles. We got there on time. I really wanted to ride on the van with my friends. and I was sad because I didn't think I would be able to. Now, I was going to move away from my van friends (who are actually graduating this year)but I was really kind of upset about it. It ended up being that they moved to the bus. My first problem was taken care of. The ride over was a fun one. I got to talk to my van friends, and a bunch of others as well. =D That was fun. We arived, and the place was really disorganised to tell the truth. The salem girls missed over half the welcoming celebration because we didn't know where on earth it was. =D We did still have fun once we made it. We had been putting our stuff in the dorms. Wow, we found dead roaches in the hallway, all that happy fluff. Our mattresses were gross, etc. However, it was okay. Sheets fix everything. We never did find the thermostat to turn down the room temperature. =D That's okay though. My roomie moved into a room with a very comfy couch that was warm enough for her to sleep in and I slept in our room, because I had a blanket. I slept good man! Sorry, I'm jumping ahead of myself. Anyway, dinner was good, and worship was great. That was the start of when God started speaking to me further. He first said, "Focus on Me" I said "okay" Well, my roomie and I tried to go to bed after worship, it did not work. I went in and out of sleep. My roomie was shivering. Did not sleep until we opened the window.

Sunday- We meet our crews and our churches and we see our house to work on.

Ate breakfast that morning. Wasn't half bad. We all went into this tiny room. There were about 400 people in it, it got pretty hot. our crew left to go sit on a van that we would use to transport us to our worksite. I hit things off immediately with a girl from VA named Nikki. Anyway, we all waited for maybe 30 minutes before our chruch came to pick us up. Our church was Memorial Baptist. The pastor is a woman. I never thought I could glorify God singing old hymns. Turns out, I did actually worship Him. I always thought those were so boring and not glorifying to God. I was wrong. If you focus on God He can be found anywhere. Anyway, the sermon was about change, and how you can either ignore it, bring about it, be destroyed by it, or be transformed by it. I mention the sermon because...other crews got interesting sermons. One crew got a politically incorrect sermon. Apparently, don't vote for any of the candidates(because they're all murderers for beleiving in abortion. Well...I think abortion isn't right, but if both sides are bad, who are you supposed to vote for???), but register to vote. :::shrug::: Anyway, after service, we ate a great lunch. spaghetti, salad, and bannana pudding. Our church fed us wonderfully all week. I was so happy. Anyway, Nikki and I got two plates of bannana pudding each. it was GOOD! After lunch we saw our house and we thought it would not be bad. However, we were wrong. There were rotten spots all over the place from where the roof wasn't done right. Everytime it rained the man living there would get flooded inside his house. During worship and my quiet time, all I heard was God saying "give up your life to Me" I thought He meant "Let me use you this week" indeed, he did. However, he meant something more too. He meant back home. Like I need to worry about things. God just showed me this week how much He can do if I just focus on Him and give Him myself like I'm supposed to. =D I didn't catch on to God's actual meaning until after the worship service, because the guy started talking about after the trip, and I realized God was talking about that life. Oh, by the way, we had been having youth group devotions after worship. If there was anything of worthy occurrence that I would dare put in a public journal, will actually mention it. However, most of what happened this trip is a "stay in the youth group" sort of thing. It's other people's personal business and us all standing with eachother. I might as well say that throughout the week, I heard stories of how other crews had been blessed, how God had provided for them to get their work done, and even how at least three people were led to Christ. Whee! I also heard two of my friends profess that they have been called into the missions field. Other that, there is nothing more related to them I feel safe mentioning. My important thing comes later. Sleep came for my roomie when she finally decided to move out. The open window did not work. My roomie slept well after she moved out. So did I.

Monday - first day of work
We got up on the roof, and there was a lot of debris, and some tree branches that needed to be cut. We cut the branches, and we swept off the debris. Then we got started with our work.We decided we'd rip up the flat porch in the back because we thought it was the firmest part of the roof. After taking off the shingles, we realized we would have to replace three boards, I think it was. It was pretty crazy. I had fun nailing lots of them in with Nikki. Anyway, after replacing that, we tar-papered that section. We also ripped off the shingles on rest of the back roof and we got that side papered too. Then the day was over, we got back to Savannah State University (where we were staying) at about 4:00. Dinner was pretty good. During worship, I found God telling me to focus on Him, and I did. And God showed me again how good He is to me. The message was quite interesting, because God was already teaching me that while I was going through the day. We had group devotions. Nothing I feel comfortable writing about happened. Sleep was good. =D

Tuesday-second day of work.
we ripped up the entire front side of the roof in 50 minutes.
There was one really soft side that was....jutting out of the house, but since it was facing the back, not the front, we left that side alone until we actually had to work with it. Then, we found four rotten boards. one was on one side of the house, the other three were on the other side. The guys got to working on the side with three boards with the huge crowbars and their beastly selves. The girls attacked the one board with hammers and I had a crowbar for lack of a hammer. We lifted up about 2/3 of the board. One of the girls who was ripping up the middle part (her name was morgan) needed to sit in the hole we had just created (it was like..an attic space sort of thing under the roof. She had solid footing). She saw 2 or 3 roaches when she sat down, but she figured that was no big deal. We ripped up the last 1/3 of the board, and you know what? we threw that piece right over the side. Right as it was going over, a whole nest of roaches came out from under the board. Morgan jumped out of that hole really fast, and we all started screaming. I was holding my crowbar. The guys ran over from the other side of the roof. They apparently wanted to take a picture of whoever had fallen, but it was just wood. It was the fastest they'd moved all week. Anyway....we eventually got all of the boards replaced for that side of the roof. The day was actually almost over, and it was getting really hot. I had nailed in a lot of flashers along with Nikki. We rushed like crazy when papering. We did a cruddy job. I was doing my best to tack. I was walking on the side the girls did not do and I fell on my face because the roof was a little too slick where we had put metal in the valley to keep water from getting on the wood. however, the hastily tacked paper was not and never would be properly secured. Lots of people tripped on it. The other side turned out quite okay. The "guys plan everything to screw up at the beginning and work at the end, but girls plan everything to work at the beginning and screw up at the end" philosophy did not work. =P The guys' work was more screwed up than the girls' work. Anyway....I had to stop working because my head was hurting. We barely tacked down the paper and then ran off to campus. We barely made it back for dinner. I did not go to dinner because I wanted a shower instead. =P anyway...Worship was also pretty cool that night. Once again, God spoke to me. I'm not quite sure what His words were...but I know what His results were, and those will be elaborated on when i get to Friday...........but I'm really happy about them. Group devotions occured after this, God spoke through those too. He always did, and does. However, no comfortable events. Sleep was really great that night.

NOte: I'm going to stop documenting for now because umm....I kinda wanna...go to bed. I deserve a nice long rest! I worked pretty hard! =D The last half will be tomorrow's entry.

I'm really excited about worldchangers. I'm going to Savannah, Georgia in like...3 days!!!! WHEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm also looking forward to spending time with my friends there, whenever I can, and making new ones. I'll have plenty of time to do that. =D Nilo posted his entry in spanish. I can't read it. Gee. =P Tis all good though. Anyway, I got an e-mail from Mahitha. I'm glad to know she's doing okay. =D As to my youth group, I can't do anything about my worries through my own strength. Don't take that as pessimism, I really can't. One person like me can't work deep inside many people and change their fundamental viewpoints. If I could, I would have done it already. Seeing as how there's nothing I can do on my own power, this is just one of those times where I just have to stop worrying. And who knows? Maybe this mission trip we're about to go on will prove to be a life-changing experience in more ways than one. This one girl I'm worried about, I think she wants to go on this mission trip. I'm going to find out if she can. If she is going, I think that'll be a great way for her to get connected with our group, so I really hope she is going. I love her half to death, but I sort of hope she's not on my crew. This isn't to be mean to her, not at all. It's that if we're on the same crew, she won't try to get to know anyone else, but will spend all her time with me. I want her to get to know our group as a whole. If she doesn't get to know the group as a whole, it will be very hard for her when I leave. So, I hope she can go. If she can't I'm going to make sure she goes on the fall retreat. That's all I can really do. Just make sure she tries to plug into our group.
This trip will be like camp in one aspect: there will be things that will have the potential to get me down. The trick is to not let them get you down.

okay, life is weird. And that is all.

I just played chess with my dad for an hour. He kicked my butt. The whole time he had this little grin on his face like...."yay! this is going how I want it to!" And when he let his piece die, I wondered why. Of course, I couldn't really see many moves into the game, but apparently daddy did. That's called good chess. And half the time, when he would explain the significance of one of my moves, it wouldn't really play out to its full potential till about ten moves later. I was like....gee! It was really fun though! I learned a lot! =D yay! Plus, I got to spend an hour with my daddy. And he told me I'm getting better at chess! YAY!

Well, the good part of camp was humongous.
This is the grateful and senseful part of me speaking out, which really does have more precedence than the whiny part. It just needs its time to whine sometimes. My sadness over my slight discomforts did not spoil my week, I'm glad it didn't.
I was shuffled around at the beginning because I was flexible about who I was rooming with. Although I was kinda hurt by not being picked by anyone, I ended up with a great roomie, the ever wonderful Nina Moore. yes, she's an adult, but she's one of the most awesome and kindest people you could ever meet. She reminds me of this other lady whom I deeply respect named Rosmarie Post. She's a wonderful, warm, happy, and God-Loving lady who is probably over 60 but doesn't look it. I hope to be like those two when I'm older. Well, most of the time, I slept, but then I finally got to have a girl-to-girl chit chat session with Nina on the last day of camp!!!! HAPPY! It was awesome! Also, I did get chill time with God, and that was just....amazing. I felt kind of at peace when I did that, and I seriously am so bad with remembering to talk to God. I don't know why, because every time I talk to God there's this little fire in my soul that just comes alive, as if it's been needing that. And, considering it's never lit whenever I first go to God, it's not something I can keep lit, but when it is lit my entire being is just happier and more at peace. But I got full-time contact with that wonderful God of mine, who still loves me despite the fact that I don't keep contact with Him as much as I should. Heh. Just writing that brought some happiness to me, and makes me kinda shaky. and I need to duck tape my bible's spine to secure it, I shouldn't leave it in such disrepair, it's falling apart. I say this because it's right on my computer desk right now. Well, the thought occurred to me that I haven't touched my bible today. I opened it just now to Proverbs 13. It's kinda funny how much it applies to me right now. I'll write the parts that apply most.

Verses 1-4 of Proverbs 13: A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke. 2 From the fruit of his lips a man enjoys good things, but the unfaithful have a craving for violence. 3 He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin. 4 The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.

Other good things. I met about 40 strangers. Not all of them have replied to whatever e-mails I've sent out, but that's okay. I'm not that hurt by it, because I still love them anyway, and they don't have to reply if they don't want to. Trust me, I won't cry about it if they don't. I know that if they don't want to, there must be some reason for that, and I know I'll be good for it. Anyway, the food was great! Our youth minister made the guys walk the girls to fellowship after devotions one night, and I got to walk with Lee Salevan! He's one of the funniest and....yeah, sweetest guys I know, along with my friend (there were more guys than girls) Jessica Whittington!!! YAY!!!! That was fun! I also worked on the missions track, so I went off campus for two hours for three days to serve at various things. The Salem Church Bus is very clean now. =D We washed it and we washed a bus for the Boy's and Girl's club in Jefferson City. The next day we did a backyard bible club thing, and the kids who were there had fun, so they'll hopefully get their cool friends who didn't come to come to the next one that the next group does~! The last day...I had a wonderful, yet somewhat saddening time. We worked at a nursing home, talking to the old folks. It was pretty cool. I enjoyed it, but there were some people that broke my heart. Something within them just seemed...broken. It was sad, that part was. But I still had fun talking to them anyway. =D

But all that could be gone, and I still would be happy about camp, because...I saw friends become serious about God. I saw some of my precious friends accept Christ for the first time, and this one guy, I seriously felt a big change within his heart. It made me smile, and the same with my friend Jenny. I felt this wonderful wonderful change in them. And one friend, we did this thing one night where we just meditated on scripture, she was so happy and peaceful. I know what happened to her, it was the same thing that happened to me, God showed her His peace. Me on the other hand, I'd missed God for a while, so right at the start I was about to bawl, by the end I was just bawling my eyes out, with happiness. =P

And I've come to terms with my last non quiz entry. God gave me this uncontrollable love for people and He molded my soul to percision to get that. Now He'll mold me to a point where it's still at it's same fire, but it's controlled. But that will go at His pace, not mine. Because it's already gone at His pace, and I think it's made an impact on the younger youth in my youth group. It's kind of heart-breaking when you have people tell you you're a wonderful role model. How did that one happen? Anyway, I know it will continue to grow as God sees fit, because He's already turned it out so wonderfully. So, so what to the people who want me to rush it. I'm sorry, but if that's not God's plan, it's not happening. Like I said before, it requires some re-structuring of my spiritual framework. I've learned from experience, don't try to do these things all by yourself, you'll probably make it worse, considering I've never made myself any better by trying to fix those things on my own, and believe me I've tried. I do kind of want to apologize to the people who made me feel that way for being angry with them.

I just came back from camp - Centrifuge. It was so much fun. I seriously learned so much.....and.....that was the first time I'd spent with God in a while, so I don't feel so empty now. But really....I need to rant somewhere. Before I get to this, A LOT of good things happened at Centrifuge. I had a blast and met like...40 strangers, no joke.
However, there is really no where else for me to just admit the few negativities that I'm still bothered by now... I know when people tell me about certain things I need to work on, they mean it in love. But when I hear it like...once a week, and then at camp it felt like more, I can't help but feel like some little kid being bossed around. There are some things I know I need to work on, but honestly......IT'S REALLY REALLY HARD FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S HARD WHEN YOU HAVE OTHER PEOPLE WHO'VE HAD SOME OF THE SAME EXPERIENCES YOU DID - YOUR FRIENDS NOT SAVING A SEAT FOR YOU - AND YOU DON'T WHINE ABOUT IT BUT THAT OTHER PERSON DID, IT'S REALLY HARD TO JUST TAKE THAT AS WE'RE IN A RUSH, WE DON'T REALLY SAVE SEATS FOR ANYONE, WHEN YOU KNOW THEY DID AND JUST FORGOT YOU IN THE RUSH OF WANTING TO HANG OUT WITH OTHER PEOPLE! AND IT'S HARD WHEN TO YOU, FIXING THINGS LIKE THE LITTLE TOO MUCH ENERGY AND HUGGING THING MEANS TOTALLY REWORKING THE FRAMEWORK THAT TOOK SO MANY YEARS TO BUILD! IT TOOK SO MUCH PAIN AND STRUGGLE FOR ME TO GET TO WHERE I AM, AND SUDDENLY THAT'S JUST NOT ENOUGH ANYMORE!!! I'M REALLY TRYING TO FIX IT, IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF IT'S GOING TOO SLOWLY!!! THE WAY I SEE IT, GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF THAT AS I GROW MORE THIS YEAR! LET GOD HANDLE IT, HE CAN!!!! I JUST NEED SOME MORE TIME TO GROW, RIGHT NOW GOD NEEDS ME TO BE AS I AM FOR A LITTLE BIT. I SEE HIM STEADILY GROWING ME OUT OF MY TOO MUCH PHASE, BUT IT WON'T GO AS FAST AS I FEEL I'M BEING PRESSURED TO GO!!! GOD KNOWS HOW TO DO IT RIGHT, AND I CAN ALREADY SEE IT WORKING SLOWLY, BUT QUICKLY IS INSANE.
so....why don't people understand? I'm so seriously confused. Here's where I start to sound a bit conceited...but I need to say this anyway because it's truth.
Maturity wise - I have a lot of maturity but it's apparently not enough.
Self-control - I have seriously gained quite a lot of it....and I'm sorry if I'm expending it in areas other than my HUGGING when there are other things that should be controlled. There's this part of me that really wants to be negative. I really have to try and control that. And a bunch of other things, which, excuse me, are mor important than worrying about how happily I hug. I think I'll let God take his course, but why do I keep getting so much criticism for it?

See....I just am really frustrated....Can I just have some time to mature, or do I just have to.......never mind. I know the answer right there. I don't need to satisfy others as much as I need to satisfy God....I know He'll take care of it when He sees fit...I might as well just let Him.

okay...I may or may not have entered anything in my last journal entry. whoops. Okay..I'm gonna rant here. See...my friend Mahitha moved away. And it makes me really sad. I miss her, a lot. And it just struck me that I'll never see her again, most likely. And this makes me sad... And I miss her.....really......and I was just getting to know her too. At least she's going to be with her family, I know she's missed them. She deserves it. She's a great friend. But I miss her. And I wish I could stop being so selfish and be happy for her. I know I will be in due time, but I still miss her. And I wish I'd told her that.......Really. I wish I did.....